Getting on with things??

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Getting on with things??

Post by shanty on Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:08 pm

Hi guys, just looking for a bit of advice on how to deal with the aftermath of death. I had already lost Oscar's brothers, but somehow it wasn't so bad because I had two, then one more rat to keep me busy afterwards. But now I have nothing to keep me occupied, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really know how to cope with this 'empty nest syndrome' or whatever it's called. In the mornings when I was getting ready for work, Oscar and I always spent time together - sharing breakfast and having a cuddle. Now it's just me on my own, as I'm usually the only one up early. As soon as I got home I was straight over to the cage to let him out for the evening - even now I keep looking around the sofa expecting to see his little nose pop out from behind the cushion, demanding attention Smile I still haven't been able to clean out his cage - it looks exactly as it did when I took him out for the last time. I know I have to do it at some stage, but I'm finding it very hard to move on. Sometimes for a split second I forget that he's gone - am I crazy for being this affected by his death?! I'm sorry if I'm annoying people by going on and on about it. I feel very empty, but I know I need to wait before I get more rats. I'm just wondering how people here have dealt with losing their last rat? xx
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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by Zoundz on Sun Jul 01, 2012 5:38 pm

I haven't been without rats for 8 years now... Sad I honestly don't know how I'd cope. When I had my first two, I was gutted when the last girl died, and I didn't get more rats then for a few years after (would have, probably, but couldn't find any!). I think just being occupied with more and more crafts/hobbies would help me a bit, but I don't think anything will help completely Sad (((((((hug)))))))) Here if you need to moan, or vent or just chat about things.

xx

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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by shanty on Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:11 pm

Thank you Laura! As if you haven't had to listen to enough of my moaning and venting Smile Yeah I think I just need to find something else to occupy my time... I'm a very maternal person so I have a need to always be looking after something, so this is weird for me... My boyfriend told me I can 'look after' him, have the dinner ready every night, give him shoulder rubs, that kind of thing Roll Eyes not quite the same thing! Haha. Aw I just don't know what to do with myself - I should throw myself into my masters dissertation really, hopefully something good can come of having all this free time on my hands. God I'm fighting the urge to get more rats with every fibre of my being! It's not the right time though as I'm going travelling for a bit next year, but it's so so hard... I know as soon as I come back I'll be putting my name back on your waiting list, though Smile

Do you think you'll ever be without rats, Laura? Like when you're old and grey? Or will you be 'the rat lady' till the bitter end?! Big Grin
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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by smokierat on Mon Jul 02, 2012 6:59 am

First of all you are NOT being annoying so don't be silly Shocked losing a companion,especially ones that bond to us,are affectionate,that have amazing individual personalities-well if if didn't affect you,you'd be a very cold person and not the person your ratties loved so very much Love il never forget the ones I've lost,and even when I think I have it 'dealt with' I find myself tearing up at something small,or a photo x each one of my ratties has meant so much,and i mis them all x my boy that I lost in April'Noodles was my love Love and losing him after losing his daughter the week before,two days after my birthday just Cry you just have to keep reminding yourself that they had a good life,knew love and care and that you tried your best to give them the life they deserved when they were here xxx Love Love Love

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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by katherine on Mon Jul 02, 2012 9:38 am

Don't be silly! There's no "talking about it too much" or "missing him too much". You're not going on about it either *HUG*

People can be too dismissive of our bonds with our animals and for some reason a lot of people see it as less valid if the animal is smaller or less popular than others, but that doesn't mean you should feel that your grief is invalid or annoying to anybody.

I don't have any advise I'm afraid for living without any rats, but I would advise you to clean out his cage sooner rather than later as leaving it wont help in the long run and only bring back the pain when you do get round to it. When I lost my Algy who was my real heart rat I found it was very therapeutic to make something to commemorate him, so I designed an Algy pillow (I haven't got round to making it yet but it will happen Laugh Roll Eyes ) That really helped because it felt that I hadn't totally left him behind and would still have something to hold on to and pour that love and energy into. Maybe something like that would help, even if it's something as simple as framing some photos.

I'm so so sorry for your loss *HUUUUUUUG*


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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by shanty on Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:21 pm

Thank you so much both of you, I don't know what I'd do without this forum! I hoped I wasn't going on about it too much, I know I'm not the only one who has lost a little friend lately Sad Yeah I think I'm just prolonging the misery by leaving his cage there, because every time I walk past it I expect to see him, and it hurts when I realise that I'll never see him in it again. I think I'll do it tonight after work, with a big glass of vino for dutch courage! My friend framed my favourite photo of him for me, it's so lovely and I also have a little grey rat teddy that my friend found for me ages ago - we thought it'd be nice to put it in the hammock with Oscar so he'd have something to snuggle, but he absolutely hated it! He kicked it straight out, it was hilarious. So looking at that teddy brings back good memories Smile What does the Algy pillow look like, Katherine? It sounds intriguing! Thanks again so much, you're all so lovely and it's nice to know we can count on each other for support through the tough times x
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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by katherine on Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:48 am

I've done a lil pic on paint. It's rubbish but gives the general idea. The background material will be tweed or something woven, the heart will be pink felt appliqued on and Algy will be an actual picture of him (instead of my best impression of a rat losing a fight with a paint brush) and will be in furry fabric or something I can get to resemble his rexy coat.

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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by smokierat on Sun Jul 08, 2012 2:16 am

Awh Katherine Love what a sweet thing to do Love

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Re: Getting on with things??

Post by shanty on Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:13 am

Wow, that is gorgeous! Love Rubbish my eye, that is some serious Microsoft Paint talent Smile I'm just back from visiting Oscar's grave and was feeling miserable until I saw this, it's such a lovely idea and it's really cheered me up - thank you! I've been a bit emotional because I finally cleaned out his cage on Thursday night - I had the house to myself so I just forced myself to get on with it. I knew it needed to be done sooner rather than later, as it was making me sadder and sadder every time I walked past the empty cage. It was hard and there were a few tears but at least it's done now. I hope you get around to making your Algy pillow soon, Katherine - it really is so lovely. You could go into business making ratty memorial pillows (I'll be your first customer) Laugh xxx
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